Blog #2
The theory I chose is the relational dialectics theory. Relational dialectics is a concept that focuses on the contradictions in relationships. It speaks about tension in the relationship, but when I think of it I have no tension in my relationship, and that is why it is important to remember that dialectics are communicated differently in each relationship. Also that relational dialectics are “a natural part of our relationships and that we have a lot of choice, freedom, and creativity in how we work them out with our relational partners.”
Relationships can have a variety of meanings like romantic, friendly, platonic, family, etc. but in this scenario it involves my romantic relationship with my boyfriend. I definitely relate to the Autonomy-Connection (which refers to our need to have close connection with others as well as our need to have our own space and identity) because I love spending time with him and having a close connection, but I also enjoy having my alone time. We do not currently live together but I do still see him almost every day. Since we are both in school and work, it is sometimes just for a few hours a day. This is a perfect amount because it gives me time to get my own stuff done and be able to do that alone. That doesn't mean I don't want to see him, we just need our own individual time. There have been times when he stays with me for a few weeks, so I see him almost 24/7. When we are with each other constantly (and not going out much) we get frustrated with each other more about little things that don’t really matter. This is because we haven't had a break from each other to go and do our own things. I also have been with him for 4.5 years so the individual time is good. Since I have been with him for so long, it is easy to communicate if I need my space right now. Or when I just want to relax and read or do homework I let him know and he can decide whether he wants to come over or not. Since we have such an open communication between each other, we can feel comfortable being in each other's presence, but not having to do something extravagant all the time. It sounds cliche, but truly he is my best friend and I am his. We do a lot of things together, but also we have time apart to grow on our own (I could even be a little more independent).
Ages 16,17 Ages 21, 21 almost 22
(looks grumpy but he is a nice man)
I really liked how you talked about how you enjoy spending the time with your partner, while also describing how you enjoy having your free time. From my past experience being in a not so good relationship, it felt like I was never able to enjoy my alone time because the two of us were always together every single day, just since that relationship was so toxic. Now that I am out of that relationship and have learned to value having that time with myself, I hope that one day I am able to value both the alone time and connection within any type of relationship/friendship I'm in like you described with your partner. You did an awesome job describing the relational dialectics theory.
ReplyDeleteHi Amber! I think it’s really wise that you were able to make a connection between the relational dialect of autonomy-connection and your relationship with your boyfriend. I think that this dialect really exemplifies the idea of having balance in a communicative/relational sense by describing both the importance of independence and personal associations. It seems like you prioritize both of these aspects of your life and that you have found or may have found that “happy medium” so to speak. Great insights!
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